Monday, 27 October
Love

I didn’t follow any of the meditation’s instructions on this morning walk. Not because I didn’t want to. Because they didn’t find access to my brain when I read them after waking up.

Last night, I wrote in my journal:

What presented itself today?

A contradictory feeling: I’m not doing ‘enough’ [or is it maybe not ‘the right things’?] & at the same time I’m doing/planning too much/many things so my days often feel too packed and/or I don’t have enough time, days end [too] late and on a dissatisfied note [today — and several times before over the last weeks — barely energy and motivation to do yoga before going to bed — even though I had been looking forward to it during the day]

These thoughts were still on my mind when I woke up. I was hesitant to even read the next chapter of Walking Meditations. I did, though. But while I read, my thoughts about ‘Am I doing too much? Not enough? Or not the right things’ were so loud that I barely took in what I was reading, or rather, trying to read. I was mostly just looking at the letters, internally debating whether I should go on a walk or not.

The past two times I had done walking meditations every morning for a week after waking up had given me many valuable insights and miraculous moments alone in nature [a morning meditation walk journal pt. I and pt. II]. Remembering this eventually motivated me to ignore the inner debate, get dressed for the cold and wet late-October weather, and head out for a walk in the forest.

The walk didn’t feel special. It didn’t feel very meditative. The thoughts that had kept my mind busy before falling asleep and right after waking no longer took center stage, though. There were only a few moments when I paused, looked around at the harvested fields, at the sparsely leafed, wet trees that didn’t shield me from the rain as well as they had during my morning meditation walks this summer, at the grey clouds that seemed heavy but floated lightly—my mind entirely empty.

I am glad I overcame my initial resistance to going on morning meditation walks again this week, because now I am curious: curious to see how they will affect me, what I will observe and experience both in nature and within myself, and how I will feel about last night’s thoughts by the end of the week. I am curious to see how the week will unfold.

Tuesday, 28 October
Appreciation

‘Release the need to control any outcomes in this moment.’

The first sentence of

I don’t feel like writing rn — it feels like I’d have to climb a 10 ft wall just to get words on the page. So I won’t.
It doesn’t feel right.

On the morning of Wednesday, 29 October, I woke up feeling drained and enjoyed just lying in bed. I switched on the lamp on my nightstand and simply was. After a few minutes, I picked up Walking Meditations. I read the first 2.5 pages of the next chapter, titled Purpose, still as doubtful as the days before about whether I should go on a walk or not.

Then, I came across this sentence:

What kind of person would you like to be?

As I read it, I knew I shouldn’t, I wouldn’t go.

I would NOT like to be a person who is stressed out by their own routines, by their own life. Even though it is full of things I love, it had become too much. So much that it was no longer enjoyable.

For me, it has always been easy to say what I don’t want. What’s more difficult is pinpointing what I dowant. So, what kind of person would I like to be?

Later that day, I was heading to Emden to visit the exhibition Dem Himmel so nah. Wolken in der Kunst. Initially, I thought I’d bring my laptop to edit videos on the train. But with this unanswered question on my mind, I decided to leave it at home and use the train ride to meditate on what kind of person I would like to be.

I would like to be a person who…

…is disciplined without being unnecessarily restrictive.

…learns from past experiences.

…questions themself regularly and adjusts or lets go whenever it FEELS right — even without understanding why [yet].

…creates, detached from the outcome.

…lives effortlessly.

…is present.

…moves through life as if time were abundant. [hectic]

…executes ideas instead of thinking about if and how to execute.

…sees money as irrelevant.

…radically accepts what cannot be changed [yet].

…trusts themself to handle every situation they are or will be in.

…leaves behind what no longer serves them.

…lives with contradictions.

…does what is good for mind and body.

…is constantly evolving and seeking new perspectives.

…works with, not against what challenges them.

…lets others be.

…listens to themself. [And to others, when they wish to share.]

...accepts solitude as their mentor and emptiness as their temple.

…creates a world beyond success.

…lives a life that feels right to them.

What kind of person would You like to be?

glg Soda Paapi

PS: 40 NiT [only synths] is now available on Spotify and pretty much any other streaming platform.

Monday, 27 October
Love

I didn’t follow any of the meditation’s instructions on this morning walk. Not because I didn’t want to. Because they didn’t find access to my brain when I read them after waking up.

Last night, I wrote in my journal:

What presented itself today?

A contradictory feeling: I’m not doing ‘enough’ [or is it maybe not ‘the right things’?] & at the same time I’m doing/planning too much/many things so my days often feel too packed and/or I don’t have enough time, days end [too] late and on a dissatisfied note [today — and several times before over the last weeks — barely energy and motivation to do yoga before going to bed — even though I had been looking forward to it during the day]

These thoughts were still on my mind when I woke up. I was hesitant to even read the next chapter of Walking Meditations. I did, though. But while I read, my thoughts about ‘Am I doing too much? Not enough? Or not the right things’ were so loud that I barely took in what I was reading, or rather, trying to read. I was mostly just looking at the letters, internally debating whether I should go on a walk or not.

The past two times I had done walking meditations every morning for a week after waking up had given me many valuable insights and miraculous moments alone in nature [a morning meditation walk journal pt. I and pt. II]. Remembering this eventually motivated me to ignore the inner debate, get dressed for the cold and wet late-October weather, and head out for a walk in the forest.

The walk didn’t feel special. It didn’t feel very meditative. The thoughts that had kept my mind busy before falling asleep and right after waking no longer took center stage, though. There were only a few moments when I paused, looked around at the harvested fields, at the sparsely leafed, wet trees that didn’t shield me from the rain as well as they had during my morning meditation walks this summer, at the grey clouds that seemed heavy but floated lightly—my mind entirely empty.

I am glad I overcame my initial resistance to going on morning meditation walks again this week, because now I am curious: curious to see how they will affect me, what I will observe and experience both in nature and within myself, and how I will feel about last night’s thoughts by the end of the week. I am curious to see how the week will unfold.

Tuesday, 28 October
Appreciation

‘Release the need to control any outcomes in this moment.’

The first sentence of

I don’t feel like writing rn — it feels like I’d have to climb a 10 ft wall just to get words on the page. So I won’t.
It doesn’t feel right.

On the morning of Wednesday, 29 October, I woke up feeling drained and enjoyed just lying in bed. I switched on the lamp on my nightstand and simply was. After a few minutes, I picked up Walking Meditations. I read the first 2.5 pages of the next chapter, titled Purpose, still as doubtful as the days before about whether I should go on a walk or not.

Then, I came across this sentence:

What kind of person would you like to be?

As I read it, I knew I shouldn’t, I wouldn’t go.

I would NOT like to be a person who is stressed out by their own routines, by their own life. Even though it is full of things I love, it had become too much. So much that it was no longer enjoyable.

For me, it has always been easy to say what I don’t want. What’s more difficult is pinpointing what I dowant. So, what kind of person would I like to be?

Later that day, I was heading to Emden to visit the exhibition Dem Himmel so nah. Wolken in der Kunst. Initially, I thought I’d bring my laptop to edit videos on the train. But with this unanswered question on my mind, I decided to leave it at home and use the train ride to meditate on what kind of person I would like to be.

I would like to be a person who…

…is disciplined without being unnecessarily restrictive.

…learns from past experiences.

…questions themself regularly and adjusts or lets go whenever it FEELS right — even without understanding why [yet].

…creates, detached from the outcome.

…lives effortlessly.

…is present.

…moves through life as if time were abundant. [hectic]

…executes ideas instead of thinking about if and how to execute.

…sees money as irrelevant.

…radically accepts what cannot be changed [yet].

…trusts themself to handle every situation they are or will be in.

…leaves behind what no longer serves them.

…lives with contradictions.

…does what is good for mind and body.

…is constantly evolving and seeking new perspectives.

…works with, not against what challenges them.

…lets others be.

…listens to themself. [And to others, when they wish to share.]

...accepts solitude as their mentor and emptiness as their temple.

…creates a world beyond success.

…lives a life that feels right to them.

What kind of person would You like to be?

glg Soda Paapi

PS: 40 NiT [only synths] is now available on Spotify and pretty much any other streaming platform.