What’s your relationship with change? Do you like, embrace, and look regularly for new things in life? Or, do you rather avoid them, are anxious about them, and prefer to stick with things that you are familiar with and that you know work for you?

I have a love/hate relationship with change. Why? I’ll explain later. First, let me update you on how my last week in Toronto and my return to Germany went.  

Since I haven’t done pretty much any tourist activities while I’ve been in Toronto, I decided that during my last week there, it’s time to do that. I visited the Museum of Contemporary Arts and the immersive art and technology exhibition Arcadia Earth. My main intention when going there? Of course, getting new inspiration for my own art.

And, It was a success! Both displayed very interesting visual artwork - my personal highlight was A Dream of Wholeness in Parts, a short film by Sin Wai Kin that follows different characters throughout seven dream sequences and ‘brings together traditional Chinese dramaturgy with references to contemporary drag, music, and poetry in order to queer genres and categories and cultivate a space for imagining new worlds and ways of being.’ Sounds interesting? You bet! This short film is not available online, otherwise, I would have shared the link with you. 

During my last week in Toronto, I surprisingly didn’t feel sad because I was about to leave this place that I like so much soon. I even think I’ve never felt this ‘unsad’ during the last days of a longer trip.

Why? Because, even if initially I had planned to stay way longer, the trip fulfilled its purpose. The feeling I had when I left Berlin was that I wanted to be as far away for as long as possible to break out of my usual environment and the roles I’ve been playing in it. I probably would have thought that staying for only a couple of months would be a failure of my plans. Looking back, I realized that I didn’t need to be far away for a long time - the crucial point was to be by myself, in solitude. I didn’t need to start a new life because I didn’t like my previous one anymore. I needed space to get a new perspective. A new perspective on myself, a new perspective that I believe you sometimes can only get by being all by yourself, with as little outside influence as possible.

Why has this been so important for me? I’ve been diagnosed with autism earlier this year. If you’re following me on Instagram, you may have seen and read what I’ve shared about it. If not, you can access my profile and the posts here. Long story short: I took the time to find a way of living that suits my needs as an autistic person, which is different from how I wanted to live for a long time.

How does this relate to my love/hate relationship with change which I mentioned in the beginning?

As an autistic person, my brain craves routines and sameness. Just a small change in my usual routine or environment, or in what I had planned for a day, can totally throw me off, cause distress, discomfort, and a feeling of disorientation and not knowing what to do next. A little example: during the 40 days I spent in Toronto, I ate the same for breakfast (coconut yogurt with an apple, ginger, cashews, and a sprinkle of granola) and dinner (shakshuka with naan bread) every day - and it freed up so much mental space and relieved stress because I didn’t have to think about what meal to prepare each day and what to buy when doing groceries.

At the same time, I do like bigger picture change because it usually confronts you with new challenges that are essential to grow and evolve, even if they may seem overwhelming in the beginning and the easier path may be to stay in the comfort zone.

Before coming back to Berlin, the last time I went through a rather big change was by the end of April when I realized that living in Toronto comfortably was pretty unrealistic because of the high cost of living, and therefore I decided to move to Montreal. How did this change affect me? The first night after I arrived, I walked through the streets of Montreal crying because I had just left a place that I loved, and I was overwhelmed by a new environment that I didn’t necessarily want to be in, because it wasn’t as good as expected, and it took me about three days to be able to go on normally with my day-to-day life.

When I came back to Toronto after staying for two weeks in Montreal, I started developing a system of routines and habits that I could apply in other environments, even when I am going through periods of change in life - meditating after waking up, making music and working on my artistic output in short intervals instead of long blocks, going on 3 walks per day, going to bed and waking up at the same time, roughly planning every day of the following week on every Sunday, and a few more small things.

Now, back in Berlin, adapting to the change of environment feels very easy. Even though I am in a totally different world, thanks to the system I built for myself, I have the same daily consistency my brain craves and it feels like there is almost nothing I really need to adapt to.

On top of that, I am very lucky because I moved in with my girlfriend. She is the most disciplined person I know, which is a big advantage when it comes to maintaining these routines and habits (Funny side note if you didn’t know: Initially, she gave me the idea of moving to Toronto. That was a couple of months before we started dating, and now we’re living together after I’ve returned from Toronto - what are the odds?). If I hadn't met her, I probably wouldn't have even considered how much being disciplined is the key to living a happy, fulfilled, and successful life.

Overall, I am very grateful for the time I’ve spent in Canada, and that you’ve been following my journey which has taken a few unexpected turns. In case you’ve been wondering: I will continue this newsletter after my departure from Canada to update you on what I am working on, what I am experiencing in life, what inspires me, and to share unreleased projects and snippets of my work with you.

As a start, I’d like to share What’s Wrong With Me with you, my favorite song out of those I produced while I was in Toronto. You can listen to it here:

[media unavailable]

Enjoy your day or night!

glg Soda Paapi

PS: If you have any feedback about this newsletter or my music, I am always happy to hear it!

What’s your relationship with change? Do you like, embrace, and look regularly for new things in life? Or, do you rather avoid them, are anxious about them, and prefer to stick with things that you are familiar with and that you know work for you?

I have a love/hate relationship with change. Why? I’ll explain later. First, let me update you on how my last week in Toronto and my return to Germany went.  

Since I haven’t done pretty much any tourist activities while I’ve been in Toronto, I decided that during my last week there, it’s time to do that. I visited the Museum of Contemporary Arts and the immersive art and technology exhibition Arcadia Earth. My main intention when going there? Of course, getting new inspiration for my own art.

And, It was a success! Both displayed very interesting visual artwork - my personal highlight was A Dream of Wholeness in Parts, a short film by Sin Wai Kin that follows different characters throughout seven dream sequences and ‘brings together traditional Chinese dramaturgy with references to contemporary drag, music, and poetry in order to queer genres and categories and cultivate a space for imagining new worlds and ways of being.’ Sounds interesting? You bet! This short film is not available online, otherwise, I would have shared the link with you. 

During my last week in Toronto, I surprisingly didn’t feel sad because I was about to leave this place that I like so much soon. I even think I’ve never felt this ‘unsad’ during the last days of a longer trip.

Why? Because, even if initially I had planned to stay way longer, the trip fulfilled its purpose. The feeling I had when I left Berlin was that I wanted to be as far away for as long as possible to break out of my usual environment and the roles I’ve been playing in it. I probably would have thought that staying for only a couple of months would be a failure of my plans. Looking back, I realized that I didn’t need to be far away for a long time - the crucial point was to be by myself, in solitude. I didn’t need to start a new life because I didn’t like my previous one anymore. I needed space to get a new perspective. A new perspective on myself, a new perspective that I believe you sometimes can only get by being all by yourself, with as little outside influence as possible.

Why has this been so important for me? I’ve been diagnosed with autism earlier this year. If you’re following me on Instagram, you may have seen and read what I’ve shared about it. If not, you can access my profile and the posts here. Long story short: I took the time to find a way of living that suits my needs as an autistic person, which is different from how I wanted to live for a long time.

How does this relate to my love/hate relationship with change which I mentioned in the beginning?

As an autistic person, my brain craves routines and sameness. Just a small change in my usual routine or environment, or in what I had planned for a day, can totally throw me off, cause distress, discomfort, and a feeling of disorientation and not knowing what to do next. A little example: during the 40 days I spent in Toronto, I ate the same for breakfast (coconut yogurt with an apple, ginger, cashews, and a sprinkle of granola) and dinner (shakshuka with naan bread) every day - and it freed up so much mental space and relieved stress because I didn’t have to think about what meal to prepare each day and what to buy when doing groceries.

At the same time, I do like bigger picture change because it usually confronts you with new challenges that are essential to grow and evolve, even if they may seem overwhelming in the beginning and the easier path may be to stay in the comfort zone.

Before coming back to Berlin, the last time I went through a rather big change was by the end of April when I realized that living in Toronto comfortably was pretty unrealistic because of the high cost of living, and therefore I decided to move to Montreal. How did this change affect me? The first night after I arrived, I walked through the streets of Montreal crying because I had just left a place that I loved, and I was overwhelmed by a new environment that I didn’t necessarily want to be in, because it wasn’t as good as expected, and it took me about three days to be able to go on normally with my day-to-day life.

When I came back to Toronto after staying for two weeks in Montreal, I started developing a system of routines and habits that I could apply in other environments, even when I am going through periods of change in life - meditating after waking up, making music and working on my artistic output in short intervals instead of long blocks, going on 3 walks per day, going to bed and waking up at the same time, roughly planning every day of the following week on every Sunday, and a few more small things.

Now, back in Berlin, adapting to the change of environment feels very easy. Even though I am in a totally different world, thanks to the system I built for myself, I have the same daily consistency my brain craves and it feels like there is almost nothing I really need to adapt to.

On top of that, I am very lucky because I moved in with my girlfriend. She is the most disciplined person I know, which is a big advantage when it comes to maintaining these routines and habits (Funny side note if you didn’t know: Initially, she gave me the idea of moving to Toronto. That was a couple of months before we started dating, and now we’re living together after I’ve returned from Toronto - what are the odds?). If I hadn't met her, I probably wouldn't have even considered how much being disciplined is the key to living a happy, fulfilled, and successful life.

Overall, I am very grateful for the time I’ve spent in Canada, and that you’ve been following my journey which has taken a few unexpected turns. In case you’ve been wondering: I will continue this newsletter after my departure from Canada to update you on what I am working on, what I am experiencing in life, what inspires me, and to share unreleased projects and snippets of my work with you.

As a start, I’d like to share What’s Wrong With Me with you, my favorite song out of those I produced while I was in Toronto. You can listen to it here:

[media unavailable]

Enjoy your day or night!

glg Soda Paapi

PS: If you have any feedback about this newsletter or my music, I am always happy to hear it!