What Are You Waiting For?

disconnect 007/237: Visit (Art Gallery + Cemetery) = Epiphany

[13 October 2024]

-----------------------

For my last album Out Of Office, I created more than 50 drafts within roughly three months and selected and finished the best ones for the album - I felt more productive than ever before. Since this approach worked very well, I started with a similar approach right after releasing the album in May for my follow-up project, 40 Nights in Toronto. Instead of creating drafts, my goal was to finish one song every week, fully arranged and mixed, and do that until I had 20 to 30 songs to choose from for the album.

During the last couple of months working on it, this approach started more and more not to feel quite right, though. I was beginning to doubt it and thought - ‘what if eventually, I won’t have enough songs that fit the project?’. After all, I envision creating not just an album, but an audiovisual experience where image and sound complement each other.

Why am I telling you this? Because it’s related to the story I’d like to share with you today: The story of how I recently stumbled across an impressive cemetery after visiting an art gallery, remembered arguably the most valuable feedback I’ve ever received, and forgot all these doubts I’ve been having regarding my production process.

It requires space to allow new thoughts.

On a Thursday night a couple of weeks ago, I visited the n.b.k. gallery to see the installation Spill Retina by Pamela Rosenkranz. When I arrived, there was no other visitor besides me in the small showroom. Two framed artworks were hanging on the lilac walls, a silky curtain was covering one corner, and a huge round LED light was mounted on the opposite side of the framed artwork and curtain, subtly changing its tone between blue and purple. I stayed probably for about 10 minutes, soaked in the atmosphere from different perspectives and my thoughts evolved from an initial ‘Oh, this is everything?’ to a ‘Wow, this room’s vibe feels like heaven’.

I didn’t know what Pamela Rosenkranz’s intention or inspiration behind this installation was, and I didn’t care. That day, I felt very drained and unable to focus, struggling with understanding and producing words properly without making a huge effort. It’s no surprise, considering I went to a birthday dinner with a group of 10 people at a busy Italian restaurant the night before. Now, this room was a like a sanctuary to me, a place to rest my mind and feel at peace. The experience of comforting emptiness and solitude worked like a sensory deprivation tank for my nervous system.

Spill Retina by Pamela Rosenkranz

Feeling recharged and relaxed, I left the n.b.k. and decided to walk around a bit more to enjoy the evening atmosphere. The sun was close to setting and made the slightly clouded sky look like a peach. After walking only a few hundred meters, I noticed an entrance to a cemetery right off Chausseestr. Since I love taking walks in cemeteries I didn’t hesitate to enter.

What I didn’t know is that this was the famous Dorotheenstadt Cemetery where the tombstones read like a Who's Who of Germany's intellectual elite. Looking at all those impressive graves felt like a visit to a second art gallery that evening.
As I slowly walked across the cemetery, I saw things differently - trees, tombstones, the small group of teenagers sitting on a bench, everything looked like it was more real and unreal at the same time. Do you know the feeling when watching an HDR video and it seems too real? That’s exactly how I perceived my environment.

This change in perception must have been the result of me being completely present in the moment and I asked myself, is this how non-neurodivergent people who don’t have sensory issues and difficulties processing stimuli see the world all the time?

And then, while I was soaking in the calm and mystic atmosphere of the cemetery, wandering around and wondering what all those people resting at this place have done in their lives, I remembered a very particular feedback I received about two years ago from my then-manager during a performance review:
‘Sense of urgency when needed is an area where [Soda] can improve.’

Does my obsession with empty office spaces come from my aversion to the corporate world, a place where it’s common to constantly mask?

Being in a cemetery, surrounded by the graves of several famous creative people like Bertolt Brecht (who published around 40 plays during his lifetime), was a powerful reminder that we all have limited time in this world and made me realize that it's important to make the most of the time we have. Suddenly, my exhaustion, lack of focus, and doubts about my production process for 40 Nights in Toronto disappeared.

What am I waiting for?

Over the past three months, I have completed a total of 13 songs, unsure which of them will complement the footage I have recorded. Now, I am creating music specifically to match the visual material for 40 Nights in Toronto to create a unified audiovisual experience.

To give you an impression of what this sounds like, I’d like to share a synth recording of one of the songs I am working on with you. I invite you to play it and disconnect from everything that’s happening around you in this moment.

Close your eyes, let go of your thoughts and listen.

[media unavailable]

Enjoy your day or night!